omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
