I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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