She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
