Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
