Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
