worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
