I need help removing her.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
