I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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