im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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