When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
