what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
