I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
