420 ftw
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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