Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
