**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
