I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
