It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
