I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
