why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
