Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
