She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
