my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
