I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
