Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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