Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
