toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
