Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
