And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
