I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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