somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
