thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
