Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
