Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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