I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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