just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
