his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
