yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
