You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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