Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
