u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
