well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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