What tipped you off? The sombrero?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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