just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
