I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ttyl tear gas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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