alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
