i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
