Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
