You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
