I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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