so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
