You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
