pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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