In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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